White Demon
by Mary Sue Is Dead
Summary: She was both an angel and a demon, but mostly Mrs. Pataki.


_White Demon_

By MSID

**_XOXOX_**

There were rumors cascading all throughout the building about our superior.

But the most eminent one was that she had killed herself. Overdosed on a bottle of painkillers and slept into her demise.

A feeling in my stomach told me that this was not true, and I usually slipped some headphones on when the hearsay started to spread on the 'Accounting' floor.

"Hey, Brian." One of my coworkers greeted intentionally as he leaned against the frame of my cubicle. "Did you hear about Pataki? The rumor is that her husband died in some nasty car crash and now she's a crack addict and they won't let her into the building."

I didn't respond as I gave him a blank stare and then returned to the monitor of my computer. I assumed he eventually walked away confused from the lack of attention and I went back to my work.

Someone had to be doing something productive at Pataki Electronics HQ, other than carousing around, drinking lukewarm coffee and gossiping about the latest way that Mrs. Pataki had offed herself.

And as my computer screen reflected off of my glasses, I remembered reading the paper that dreadful Sunday morning, four days ago.

My insides wrenched as my eyes looked over the headline about Mrs. Pataki's husband's death, and I only could have imaged what she was feeling as a hoard of paparazzi invaded the space of what was her agony and sorrow.

I wanted to do something. Comfort her, anything. We were friends, not close friends, but we had known each other since high school, and I thought that was better than anything. Yet she was nowhere to be found.

She hadn't come into work since the accident, and I assumed she locked herself within that wealthy mansion that she and Arnold had lived in. Closing all the blinds, locking all the doors and securing herself from the media.

I had stopped by there the third day after the accident.

There were no paparazzi, probably gone from the lack of excitement that Mrs. Pataki had given them and I parked my car on the curb in front of the house.

The large gates surrounded the mansion and I walked up to the front, glancing through the metal binds at the large house.

My heart quenched when I saw her stand about fifty yards away from me upon their expanded front lawn.

She wore a baggy white button up that barely fit her torso and a pair of blue boxers as she puffed what looked like a big fat ugly brown cigar between her handsome youthful lips.

Her blonde hair appeared stringy and dull as her body seemed sickly and weak as a pile of discarded exquisite maple furniture resided closely next to her.

She picked up one of the maple chairs into her hands, lifted it up high and snapped it in two upon her toned thigh. Then broke the legs of the chair and threw it into another separate pile.

She started to do that with the other furniture and I could have only imagined that she was going to have a bon fire on her front lawn that night. Burning absolutely anything that released some of the burdening memoirs off of her back. Or maybe the sight of the flames would calm her as she would gaze into it and suck that poison.

The photographers would come, but I also remembered what happened the last time I visited the Pataki's home. Resulting in a large scar on my calf from a nasty pair of sharp teeth.

She also owned two large dogs.

A pit-bull named 'Five Avengers' and a Rottweiler named 'Old Betsy'.

I smiled a tad to myself as I knew she would let them loose when the media came. Taking no remorse as they ripped off a couple limbs and broke a couple bones.

But that was yesterday, and I knew all these lies that everyone was dispersing like toxin wasn't true at all.

She wasn't dead, but the mystifying question was, the funeral was in two days, and would she be there?

**_XOXOX_**

I stared regretfully over the grave of Arnold Pataki as I stood, with a bunch of other people I didn't know, under the weeping willows of this huge cemetery, not an optimistic cloud in the sky.

And what made me feel absolutely worse than the fact that this was his funeral, was the photo that resided upon the casket.

It was a picture of the young blonde couple, both happily grinning into the camera, embracing each other as they shared flushed kissed cheeks and luminous glazed smiles.

I slowly looked around the group that stood around his casket. There were people from the office, friends, family, all saddened at the death of this magnificent man and all the good, prospering work he had accomplished, but there was no Helga. No Mrs. Pataki.

My eyes narrowed as I looked around the cluster of people again, and several started making their testimonies.

I walked out of the crowd and looked around the cemetery. Stones and granite dimly covered the grounds equally and I continued to squint through my glasses until I saw a speck of black far off into a distant part of the huge space of land.

As I started walking towards the speck in which now became a large black dot, I jogged. I jogged faster as I now could see the glimmer of gold and pink along with it.

I panted heavily as I finally reached the figure, a good hundred yards away from the group of mourning people and stood beside her, hunched over to gain my grating breaths.

"Run a marathon?" she asked emotionlessly. And as I looked up at her, she placed the half smoked cigar in her mouth, between those sublime lips that used to kiss things much more deserving.

Her hair was as it was before, sinewy and tousled with oil. Her shade of skin was the same, pale and a shadow of her former radiant flesh. Only I couldn't see her large blue childhood-like eyes. A familiar pink ribbon was tied over them and around her head like a blind fold as she wore an exquisite black tuxedo that was much too big for her. The sleeves covered her entire hands and the bells of the pants covered a majority of the large polished black loafers she wore.

I had seen Arnold wear it on the occasion of their wedding.

I finally spoke dimly. "You're not going to the funeral?"

Helga shook her head as I could see her get tired of the cigar that she had puffed on and off for what seemed about an hour and threw it on the grave in front of her.

I glanced down at the name on the granite. It read "Robert 'Big Bob' Pataki".

"If I go to that funeral…then he's really gone…" she said impassively and breathed out the last of the hazardous smoke from her lungs.

As I continued to stare down at the grave in front of me, I could smell the deep thick liquor on her breath and it made me cringe slightly.

"How did you get here?" I asked anxiously. I prayed that she didn't drive.

"Limo driver." She retorted bluntly and kicked some of the dirt under her feet with the black loafer and onto the grave.

I gulped slightly. Thinking of the perfect words to say, but I ran blank. "I'm…so-"

"Don't even say it. I don't want to hear it." She retorted instinctively.

It was selfish and rude to keep asking her questions on this day. This occasion, but I was dying to know. "Are you coming back to the office?"

She didn't respond as we heard the voices of Arnold's funeral become louder then softer and as I looked to her for a retort, a tear escaped from under her pink ribbon and sadly strolled down her lifeless cheek.

My eyes cringed achingly and she slowly placed her tongue over her cheek to catch the wilting tear. She tasted it's intoxicated saline in her mouth then spoke something lowly. I could barely hear it but it sounded something under the line of _'bitter'_.

Helga inhaled heavily. "I'll be coming back sooner than you know it. Walters is taking my place while I'm gone."

I nodded as she didn't say goodbyes and turned away from me, starting to walk the distance that parted us. She didn't stumble, didn't even trip as she walked the long lonely path back to the limo that resided yards away, and I regretfully watched her. Wanting to do anything that maybe could have helped, but I didn't. I just continued to stare on at her image.

She was the silhouette of an incredible woman with a destructed soul and only the rubble was her companion along that forlorn road. Her light was nowhere.

**_XOXOX_**

Helga finally did come back to HQ. But it was just as I imagined. She looked terrible.

I heard gasps from my coworkers as she walked down the halls of the cubicles on her way to the elevator.

Her sapphire eyes more awake, but her rings darkening. Her hair less oiled but her skin still unhealthy. And I heard the nasty whispers coming from various lips as I watched her reach the elevator.

But before its thick metal walls closed, I saw Helga tiredly place her hand upon her throbbing head and her face crumpled.

Everyone's whispers died as they looked away and consumed themselves back into their work, but I continued to stare at the dull elevator doors.

My eyes trailing upon the light indents of heels in the carpet of where she walked, and I breathed silently through my nostrils.

I so desperately wanted to do something. Not stand on the sidelines like I had my entire life while people walked all over me and I was pushed away from what my heart really desired most.

It was one of the reasons I had gotten married. And one of the reasons I had gotten divorced.

I thought quickly as I jumbled through some random papers assorted on my desk, grabbed a couple and stood up. I hastily walked to the elevator and got in.

My thoughts were as scattered like the remains of a ship wreck as I had already pressed the button to her floor.

I really didn't know what I was going to say or do. A feeling in my gut just told me to act, so I did. I wanted to at least see her one more time before she disappeared into an abyss of that large house again.

A nervous syrupy sap slowly seeped through my stomach as I reached the floor. Passing all of the offices of everyone beneath her and finally reaching hers at the very end of the hall.

My hand slightly shook as I knocked upon it.

A couple seconds passed by before I heard her estranged voice.

"Come in."

I timidly did as I was told and opened the door. She was at her large desk in that big office. A couple paintings covered the walls. A couch, a telephone, a laptop, and a large transparent wall resided behind her, exposing a view of the city.

She stared intently at her desk as the sound of a pen sharply running over paper filled the room.

"What?" she asked as she didn't even look up at me. Her clothes, her hair, her makeup, everything looked proficient, only the aura of death elevated off of her body. Its saturation evaporated off of her skin, hair, eyes and into the air that devoted the room.

Her eyes had the glaze of oblivion in them as she then noticed my presence and greeted it with a hazy glare. "What?" she snapped this time.

I breathed through my nostrils calmly. "I have the expense report for the company's credit cards here if you wanted to browse over it before I input it all in." I spoke deeply.

"I trust you, just input it in." She replied swiftly and turned her head back towards her work.

I sighed slightly as I looked at her. It was like a masterpiece of artwork had been mutilated, and it was just wrong.

"I'm here if you need to talk." I spoke quickly and blinked anxiously as I held the now warped papers that my sweaty palms had distorted.

She scoffed sadistically. "The only thing you can do for me is input that report and do your job. My life is nothing you need to worry about."

I faintly shook my head. "Helga…I want to help…" my voice was now weakened.

Her head slowly looked up at me and she stopped writing. Her features were dark. Darker than they had ever been before, and she had given me a lot of dark looks throughout our lives. "I said go back to your work." She snarled.

I shook my head again. "I can't with how you are now. Arnold wouldn't want you to be like this…he wouldn't want you treating yourself like the way you are. I know that much." I was now in deep black waters.

Her lips pursed violently as she stabbed the ink pen into her exquisite maple desk. The wood split and cracked at the puncture while the black ink bubbled from the fracture in the now broken pen. She pointed at me. "Don't say that name…" she growled threateningly and the rings under her eyes darkened.

But I stood firm, I knew what was coming and my voice remained soft. "Arnold was my friend Helga…he would want you to cope healthily and move on…live happily…"

"I SAID SHUT UP!" she yelled as she flung her fist and struck the lap top. It flew off of the desk and hit the wall fiercely before falling to the floor with one last spark.

She glowered loathingly at me and I swore I saw sparks flicker out of her corneas from where the fire was licking her irises. She walked around her desk towards me and I bravely shook my head.

"No…I'm not."

I then gagged as she grabbed my jaw line with her strong fist, clenching my bone between her fingers, and threw me against the wall where the laptop had died.

Her flaming eyes pierced into mine and burned a hole through the glass in my spectacles. I just panted wildly, like I used to back when we were younger, and I knew it had just made her angrier.

Her lips parted while her sloshed enamel grit together, and I tried as much as I could to nod my head within her strong hand.

"That's right…" I breathed hoarsely. "G-Get you're a-anger out…p-punch me…feel r-release…cry in the name of the one you love."

I didn't hear anything after that, just the light hum of the threshold of hearing spawning in my right ear, an indent upon my cheek from where her knuckles violently kissed it's paleness and I watched as the floor came closer to my face.

I landed with a _Thud_.

I panted again with my terrible lungs as I instinctively touched my nose. It didn't feel broken, but blood did drip from it and I could feel it's red warmth graze my lips.

My hearing slowly came back and I heard the heavy breathing of the hurting woman behind me. I slowly turned my throbbing head to look up at her.

Her face looked the same as before, broken, hard, unmoving, but there was a light tint of regret in it. I didn't want her to regret. If I could do anything for her, it would be the punching bag that she needed. I would be the destruction that she turned to instead of herself.

I would of rather she killed me than herself. I could take it…but one thing I couldn't take was the agony in her large blue irises. The pain in her dilating pupils.

She shamefully looked away from me and her hand quickly covered her mouth, her body shook slightly in that professional apparel.

"Helga…" I panted as I tried pushing myself off of the floor. "I-It's alr-right…" I stuttered but she didn't respond.

I heard the sound of gagging in her throat as her other hand went over her stomach and she arched over, stumbling slightly away from me.

I tried getting up as she grabbed onto the edge of her damaged desk, steadying her balance. I could tell she was trying to hold something in, but it was useless as I then heard a distinctive choke and her body hunched crookedly as she let out the elements that resided in her stomach.

The smell and sound instantly swamped the room as I heard her whimper and watched her knees buckle as her stomach and throat finished thrusting the sickness out.

Poison complimented by ash swam around in the acid that now lingered bleakly upon the exquisite carpet in front of her and I got up.

"Don't. Touch me." She spoke dimly as she arched over again and covered her mouth.

She silently cried from her closed bloodshot eyes as the putrid acid crept between her fingers and dribbled off of her wrist, into the puddle below.

I didn't listen to her as I tremblingly took a couple tresses of her blonde hair with my thin fingers and pulled them back.

Her smothered hand moved from her mouth and she spit out a dose of the acid onto the ground as I took some more tresses and pulled them back, away from her mouth.

I quickly took out some extra tissues from my back pocket and brought them to her locks, gently trying to wipe out the bits of rancid that lingered in-between her strands.

_"I feel sick…"_ she mumbled as warm tears continued to stream down her grey cheeks, and I gently took her smothered hand into my own.

I ran the tissue over it, trying to collect as much of the up thrown liquor and ash as I could.

I wanted to tell her again that she shouldn't have been drinking or smoking any longer, that it was only making her hurt worse, but I could tell by the demise in her eyes…that maybe she wanted to die. And I was no one to lecture or judge. Especially to someone I cared about deeply. I could only be here.

"You should go home and rest." I spoke, keeping in my thoughts, and she weakly pulled her hand away from me.

She didn't say anything, didn't vomit again. She just wrung her damp palms together as l looked out the large windows and at the city.

I just knew that somewhere past the clouds, up in the stars, Arnold wasn't happy.

**_XOXOX_**

A week went by, and Helga wasn't at Pataki HQ. Again.

I even stopped by the Pataki mansion another time, but she wasn't outside and the blinds were still closed.

I only prayed as I looked through those metal gates that she wasn't drinking in there. Wasn't doing something that she would regret. Wasn't self inflicting her magnificent form.

And then I thought again. Maybe she was trying to heal. Maybe she was resting. Maybe Five Avengers and Old Betsy were devouring on the blood and flesh of the paparazzi as she took one whomping aspirin and sat comfortably with her feet up in front of that large fireplace of theirs.

…

Then my heart slowed down.

Or maybe she was sleeping in a veil of tears as she held Arnold's sweet memories in her hands. Dreaming about a time of when they planned on starting a family. Settling down from the life of business and patronage. Traveling to Paris…growing old together.

My chest felt hollow and I felt inadequate in comparison.

I had never known a love like that, and when I saw it in people's eyes, people's actions, I envied them.

And the envy for Helga Pataki and her husband just turned to gut wrenching pain. I had never wished for her to lose that love…never in my life…I always had wished her and Arnold the best…and I wished that all my wishes and prayers could somehow bring him back to life, but I was one of the weak and frail in all that humanity had to offer. My wishes were like dust in the wind.

I didn't know how she was or what she was doing, and it left a ill feeling in my stomach. I didn't eat most days. Maybe a snack or two to keep me going, and the rest was just thrown away in the garbage. Sometimes it was thrown out of my stomach as well.

I sat there at my lonely kitchen table. Wondering what ever Helga did in this world to deserve something so horrible.

My glasses sat upon the table and looked back up at me.

My reflection in them was disturbing to look at. I saw a person that was weak. That stood by while he watched the people he loved get the shit kicked out of them and beg for dear life.

I was a sick person, and it should have been me in that car instead of Arnold. Dying from the massive metal cocoon that would put him into an eternal coma.

I blinked tiredly as I continued to look into the scratched, old glasses…and then the doorbell rang.

I looked up curiously, breaking me from my melancholy trance.

The only people that usually visited my house were Jehovah Witnesses trying to convert me, Campfire lasses selling cheap chocolate, the mail man handing me my latest pile of bills, and my ex wife wanting money so her and her new boyfriend could pay their monthly rent.

I put my crooked glasses back upon my ears and the bridge of my nose as I stood up and walked over to the door.

I hesitantly looked through the little eye glass and what I saw on the other side of the door made a surge of diverse emotions bolt up my spine.

I unlocked the knob and opened the door casually yet curiously.

She didn't say anything as her face was nearly impassive and she stood there without any proper posture.

Her blue irises were haggard and worn from cheerless tears and her nose was practically blood shot from tissues trying to soak up sorrow. Her skin was pale and her lips were parched from lack of food or beverage.

Her eyes cauterized a hole into mine as I dared to speak. "If this is about the report, I told you that you should have looked it ove-"

Her hand fiercely clasped over my mouth as she hastily pushed me back and swiftly walked in, slamming the door shut with her foot.

I muffled but kept my eyes on her as they glazed with something unfamiliar and my eyes instinctively closed as I felt my head hit the wall and her other hand clench my clothes. Pressing me firm against that wall.

Her hand moved to my jaw line and clamped there as I opened my eyes and saw the most pain stricken face I had seen in my entire existence.

She didn't breathe as her eyes stung me and her hand barely loosened on my jaw. Her nails curled slightly upon my thin cheek and her thumb rigidly brushed my other as she pressed me deeper into the flat wall.

My eyes slightly widened but softened as her tongue then ripped past my lips, down my throat and I watched her as her eyes shut tight. Tears jerking from them.

Her fist kept me against that wall as I wanted to cry for her as well while she tried to escape from the pain she now felt.

And to my surprise, her breath was clean. It didn't taste like ash or alcohol. No pain killers, no meds as her tongue moved brutally through my mouth, finally attacking mine and winning.

A part of me wanted to burn with the unconsciousness of her enthralling spirit, in all that was Helga Pataki, but my conscious won and I decided over all, I would be her puppet tonight. She could use and abuse me all for the sake of her escape, her release from the pain that she now felt from her lost and beloved loved one.

**_XOXOX_**

I stared at the ceiling of my living room as the night's events took place in my mind, and the love of my life slept deeply next to me.

It must have been hours since Helga dozed off, but I couldn't sleep for the life of me. I didn't want the image of her ravishing bare figure to leave my mind.

After her tongue drew out from my mouth and she pulled me off of the wall, her hand flew over my eyes and she whispered regretfully not to look at her.

My glasses fell to the ceramic tile of the kitchen as she kept the grip over my eyes and bound her strong arm around my torso.

I heard my back pop into place as my feet started moving backwards and she took us to the rug of my living room. Right in front of the couch.

She gently tried to place us both upon the ground, but her attempt was futile and as always, my head landed with a thud while my brain jingled back and forth like heaven.

She just groaned apologetically and kept her hand pierced over my eyes as her other then mercilessly clawed against my shoulder, pressing and pinning me deep into the carpet.

Her strong thighs twisted around my waist as I heard the distinctive noise of fabric tearing, and I forgot how to breathe as her hand went from my eyes back to my jaw line and tilted my head. Her mouth leeched onto my neck like an intoxicating parasite.

I could feel her warm tears mix with her saliva as she would bite at times and after short while, her tormented mouth then moved to the carpet.

She sunk her teeth into it and growled. I could tell she was biting whatever bullets she could find to secrete the pain that her heart pumped sporadically.

Her hand flew more gently over my eyes, but as the night continued on, I snuck love struck gazes through her fingers.

I laid there in the form of a marionette as I watched this implausible creature shut her eyes tightly as she prayed and craved for her escape, grating and wearing down both of our hips as she grinded her pelvis into mine.

It was mind numbing and I never thought I would live to see something as extravagant as her to trust me enough to witness the beauty of her sweat stricken face, heat driven hips, pain provoked desire, and ache longing screams.

My heart would fall as I would catch tears sneaking down her cheeks as she would grab my chest roughly and write his name upon her lips, no breath left in her lungs.

It would make me want to try and help her getaway, but she would snarl and flinch every time I made a light move.

I continued to watch the masterpiece in heart throbbing awe as she finished and I prayed that she found a pinch of the depression fall off.

I then breathed heavily through my nostrils as she fell off of me and onto the right side of the rug, grabbing the blanket that I had taken off of the couch earlier.

She didn't say anything, didn't even look at me as she wrapped herself under the maroon blanket and pointed her back towards me.

I stared at the ceiling as about thirty minutes later I heard her light snoring and my heart lightened.

My lips slightly curved into a light smile as she had finally fell asleep. I had imagined that she hadn't slept for days.

And as the hours passed, the moon danced with the stars, and the sun started to peak its tired eyes over the horizon, I found myself on my side, gazing into the innocent face of vigor as she slept.

I didn't dare touch her like I wanted to.

To brush my fingertips upon her forearm like a centipede that desires to love.

To take a couple strands of her damp, oiled hair and tuck it behind her perched ear, warm from the blanket that covered her.

To let my lips linger on her grey cheek as she woke up and slapped me. But I didn't. I just stared at her as her lungs took in deep consumptions of air and her heart thumped like of a dying child's. It's beats hung on by a strand as it shuddered and cried at the gaping hole that had been punctured into it. It wanted its piece back that used to fill that hole and the loneliness made it sob.

**_XOXOX_**

Helga slightly moved her legs as her arms stretched and she groaned slightly as she laid upon my rug. The blanket covered her curves as she suspiciously glanced at the form next to her.

The form didn't move as she quietly took her blanket off, revealing a mass of fair colored flesh and she grabbed for her discarded clothes that resided nearby the rug.

She opened her mouth and yawned silently as she pulled up her jeans. Threw on her top, and inaudibly stood up.

The form didn't move next to her as she grabbed a pair of socks off of the floor and quickly yet quietly made her way to the kitchen.

She moved like air as she opened up the fridge and peered inside of it, trying to cure her long case of the munchies.

"You know, I can make some breakfast for you if you like." I spoke up as her head bolted out from inside the fridge and her eyes nearly popped out of her skull.

I smiled slightly as I sat at the kitchen table which was perpendicular to the fridge. "And the best way to probably escape would be the window in the bathroom. It doesn't make any noise when you open it."

She just froze but her eyes went back into her head as her breathing became heavy with surprise. I tended to surprise her. "I thought you were…I mean…I didn't know you were up."

I showed her the papers in front of me upon the small table. "Just work." My smile expanded some.

Her eyes averted away from me and absentmindedly roamed upon the ceiling as she tapped her fingers upon the frame of the refrigerator door.

Silence filled my small kitchen as I stared at her and she purposefully didn't look at me.

"You looked at me didn't you?" she asked angrily.

I hesitated but nodded. "I did."

Her view snapped to mine and it was dark. "Did you enjoy it?" she asked disgustingly.

I shook my head. "No…I didn't…"

Her hard brow rose questioningly and I continued.

"I've never seen a creature so hurt in my entire life. And it pained me to watch."

She didn't respond as her face sulked roughly and she stared at me.

"I'm not mad."

"I know you're not mad. You're never mad." She spat and roughly closed the refrigerator door. She then breathed through her nostrils and stood there as she looked away again. "I'm angry at myself."

"You have no reason to be."

She shook her head and crossed her arms. "Bullshit." She replied lowly. "I took advantage of you…" her voice cracked and angry water breached some from her blue eyes. "I cheated on my husband…" her face twisted into rage. "And it's all because I'm weak…"

I shook my head. "No, Darling…you're human."

Her face flashed in my direction and she looked at me threateningly. She hesitated before speaking. "I don't get you. You should quit right now. Slap me across the face and kick me out of your house with nothing but the punishment I deserve."

I gently set my papers aside and stood up. My face was vulnerable and I shook my head. "I won't."

Her nose and lips flared as she stomped over in my direction and grabbed me by the collar. Her words released saliva on them.

_"Condemn me."_ She spoke lowly. _"Hate me…__**Kill**__ me…"_

Her blue eyes washed over with sapphire rock as the magma dried and hardened, and I quietly shook my head and whispered, "no."

Tears spilled from her eyes as her lips curled and she shoved me against the wall of the kitchen. The cupboards bounced and so did the dishes as she pushed me hard.

The plaster on the wall slightly cracked and I choked as she continued. She wanted to kill me. I knew it. She wanted to kill someone in the place for her husband and bring him back to life. But there was something that Helga and I were both born with. No matter how hard we tried, no matter how much pain we were both in. We just didn't die.

I could barely breathe as she continued to cry regretfully for how much pressure she was putting on my bones and with all my strength I leaned my neck forward.

My eyes reluctantly closed as my lungs were caving, my heart was breaking, and my bones were shattering, but with all my strength I managed to brush my pale lips up against hers.

She froze at the touch and my form remained still. The bone shattering stopped and I weakly opened my eyes as my lips remained up against hers.

They slightly widened as I found her staring back at me. Her eyes were the same. Molten sapphire magma and they incinerated into mine, but we both didn't move, and the pressure slowly released off of me.

She let go of me and our lips left each other. I breathed freely again as she towered a good inch over me.

She stared down at me with her features un-moving, and before I could find the strength to curve my lips into a smile, a loud _SMACK!_ Came from my left cheek.

But after she slapped me, I didn't fall and hit the floor like I usually did, suffering a meek bloody nose. No, right after the slap, a hand caught my form and my face in its palm.

Helga brought my view back to hers, and I could feel the sting spawn from the left side of my face. But it didn't even matter as her facial features softened and she tilted my head.

She closed her eyes and remorsefully pressed her divine lips against my left cheek.

My own eyes instinctively closed as it's softness soothed victoriously against the sting.

And after moments, she slowly pulled her lips away and my eyes opened again to find hers.

She didn't say another word as she let go of my face and walked away. Out of my door.

**_XOXOX_**

About a month passed and on few occasions I saw Helga after that.

But the most eminent one was at Pataki HQ.

She mostly stayed in her office as the rest of the building did their jobs. I thought the slow progression was good for her. Yet I didn't know what she did when she was alone. She had found a way to preoccupy herself, but to my dismay, I had a hunch it was banishing Arnold completely from her life and absorbing herself into her vocation.

However to my curiosity, she would sometimes call me up to her office. Maybe I was helping in some way. In some mystifying Helga way. But my problem with seeing her at work, was that Arnold was still very much alive in her, and she mercilessly suffocated the part that was suffering.

I would inquiringly walk in, usually greeted by the fast clicks of her fingers typing upon her new laptop or the scratches of her spare pen fretting against crisp paper. I would stand there politely by the door until she wasn't busy.

Our conversations always started the same and I knew she had started to make up excuses for me to come out of my cubicle and visit her. In a way I think she trusted me. She thought I was easy to talk to and our chats were simple. She wanted to continue her life as hard as it was.

"So…" she would usually start. "How's accounting?"

I would nod. "It's excellent."

She would nod absentmindedly. "And um…how are you?"

I thought her awkward subject changes were admiring as she found a way for us to make small talk. Helga always had a way with words.

It usually only lasted for three or four minutes and we talked about the weather, but this time I found the courage to expand our small talk and maybe help her in her progression.

"You know, there's this new movie coming out. Something….AlienZombie Vampire Assassins'. It looks very gruesome."

Her eyes squinted for a moment. "I think I saw the commercial to that one."

I hesitated before asking. "Would you like to go see it? As friends? I'll even let you pay for yourself." I shrugged. "And if you're too busy that's fine too." I said casually accommodatingly.

Helga wavered for a moment before responding. She absentmindedly twirled her pencil in her fingers and breathed through her nostrils.

I could only envision what she was thinking.

Arnold's passing was still fresh, and the most obvious questions were probably roaming through her head. I had a hopeful inquire that I was one of the few people that she trusted. That she could be herself around. That I was one of the people that understood what she was going through.

She shrugged nonchalantly as she continued to write upon her papers and retorted. "I'll think about it and get back to you."

**_XOXOX_**

I cleared my throat as I watched the road.

I hope Helga didn't mind the overpowering smell of lavender air freshener in my car. I made sure to hang at least 3 of them off of my rearview mirror after the accident I had with a milk jug in the back seat several months ago. The squalid milk smell still lingered, but I had an optimism that it was fading over time.

Her arms were crossed as she watched the road pass us by. Probably thinking if this was a good idea or not, so I encouraged her thoughts.

"You brought cash or a card with you right? Because you know…I'm not paying for you. I mean this isn't a date or anything."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes as she continued to stare out. "Well aren't you just a gentleman? And yes, I brought my card."

I smiled slightly to myself as I glanced over her apparel. It was one of the rare occasions where I saw her without a suit on like she wore when she was in the office.

I breathed in a sigh of relief as I remembered when she implying said yes to go on my extravagant to the movies. And it wasn't just weird for her, it was weird for me too. I hadn't dated or even went with a couple of friends to the movies ever since Jenelle and I got divorced, and that was a year ago. I didn't even know if I could remember where the theater was.

"You take a right here, on Broadway." Helga said as she pointed out at the intersection but I didn't move out of my lane.

"Actually, I have a surprise before we go to the movie."

Her dark brows squished together. "And where is that?"

I shrugged innocently. "It's a surprise, you'll have to wait and see. Oh," I said as I kept my eyes on the road and fumbled for something in the pocket of the driver's seat. "and you'll have to put this on." I said as I pulled a black bandana out of the pouch and handed it to her.

She hesitated as she took it from me and looked down at it. "A bandana. Really? You really think I'm going to put a bandana over my eyes and willingly blind myself?"

"Helga, if I do any funny business I don't doubt that you will rip any important organs off of my body and probably kill me."

I looked to her and a hint of a comical smile appeared upon her lips. She hesitated before speaking. "Your right about the organ part. Maybe the killing too. Oh, and don't forget the bone breaking."

My smile widened. "How could I forget the bone breaking? You've broken my nose at least five times before."

"Six." She corrected me and her smile remained as she played my innocent game. Wrapping the bandana over her eyes and tying it behind her head.

I blinked in alleviation as she turned her head back to the window again. I'm sure she could see the flashes of light behind the bandana, and I think it comforted her.

I then grinned to myself as my eyes went back to the road and my mind went back to her apparel. My smile widened as my thoughts went back to earlier today when I had gone to pick her up outside of the mansion's gates.

She looked very average as she sat on the curb and waited for me. As if she wasn't trying to impress anyone. A simple navy blue polo with a pair of black jeans and grey tennis shoes with white laces. Her hair was combed, her face was prepped, and overall she looked very clean. Healthy.

…And yet she seemed very un-average. She didn't wear a shade of pink anywhere. Her breathing was very rhythmic and her hair seemed straight.

"I bet I can guess where you're taking us. I know these roads by heart."

I snorted out of my nose and I made sure it was loud enough so she could hear. "That's why I am taking every back road and detour I can find. I thought about it before I even picked you up today."

"Clever." She spoke. "But I have a very strong sense of smell when I can't see."

That gave me a little jolt of anxiousness in my stomach, but I came up with a reply. "Hence the three air fresheners. These things are so strong, you'll be hooked on their scent for an hour before it finally fades in your head. It sticks to your clothes."

"Is that why you smell like daisies at times when you come into my office? I thought that was just a girlfriend."

I cleared my throat slightly, embarrassed that I hadn't thought about that before and everyone probably had noticed. Hopefully they just thought it was a woman as well.

Her lips smirked. "I'm kidding."

"Hah. Right." I responded and breathed in deeply as we came closer to our destination. I just prayed this went well.

**_XOXOX_**

I covered her eyes after I helped her out of the car and we started walking onto a green field.

"Okay, I already have a bandana on. You don't need to cover my eyes." She said annoyingly.

"I'm just making sure you don't peak." I responded and I felt her brows move and her eyes roll under my fingertips.

We continued to walk as some bird chirps and a light breeze passed us. One of her brows rose. "Am I walking on grass?"

I nodded. "You are."

Her brows squished together sarcastically as her lips pursed. "Are we playing football? If we are you already know I'm going to smash your bones." She threatened playfully.

I shook my head and inhaled. "Nope. You'll see." I only hoped that this played out not as bad as I predicted.

Our feet squished through some soggy grass, leaves whistled in the wind and birds felt the omen as we finally reached our destination and I spoke to her again. "Alright…I'm going to remove my hands and the bandana."

She nodded as I did and got ready for what came next.

Helga smirked slightly as she opened her eyes and looked at what was before her.

The sky was blue as they came, and the grass that we stood upon was olive and cut fresh. Squares of granite and stone surrounded us as we stood before the grave of Arnold Pataki.

Her body froze and her eyes widened. She wavered but her head violently snapped to mine and I already saw tears brewing. Her voice was hoarse. "Why did you take me here?" she asked brutally as if I betrayed her.

My brows turned upward. "Helga…"

She shook her head rigidly. "I can't be here. Do you understand that? I can't do this!" she shook her head again and it kept shaking as she hesitantly backed away from the grave.

Regretfully, and with all my strength I grabbed for her arms and pulled them behind her back. I wrapped my own under hers and pinned them upward. I hated holding the Beast against her will, hated making her do something that killed her, but I loved the Beast.

"DON'T!" She screamed as I held her tight and she struggled violently. Pulling her arms and flailing her legs to the point of where they might have slipped from their sockets. "I CANT DO THIS!"

I grunted as she slammed the back of her head into my nose and frantically tried ripping her arms from out of my grasp.

Helga was incredibly strong, and if I didn't know how to bind correctly from behind from watching the wrestling channel, she would have been long gone by now.

I felt the bridge and cartilage of my nose be tested two more times of their structure and potency by the back of Helga's thick skull before she growled and tried yanking her arms out again.

With no use and my pressure just increasing, she yelled and the birds flew out from the trees as the sound vibrated across the field of granite. No words, just yelled as she cried brutally from her sapphire eyes. And I could have sworn there was a mix of blood between her tears.

_"Helga…please…"_ I whispered as she clenched her teeth so hard I could hear them puncture against each other and sweat strained upon her face, but I knew she could hear me.

_"You can't keep running from him…you have to talk to him…talk to him like you do you father…"_

She hesitated, but her struggles became weaker as so did her form. Her face started to alleviate, her eyes became a pool of water, and her breaths were drained.

I held her for moments until I felt it was safe to let her go, and when I did, her knees slowly fell to the dirt and into the lawn.

My eyes pained as her torso then fell to the ground and her golden hair fanned across the grass. Her fingers ran through the blades and gripped them with her slender fingers as she sobbed and I quietly turned around.

I steadily walked a couple feet away as I knew that all she wanted in the world was a moment with him, and they both deserved that moment unaccompanied, but I still heard her.

Her voice was complimented my coughs, cries and sniffles, and as she started to speak to him, I didn't understand. She spoke a language that I couldn't comprehend and her words were like gibberish to my ears.

Her voice was different. I felt deep and it had the edge of succulent honey and gentle rain as the words rolled supplely off of her lips,

I turned my head back slightly to catch a glance at her.

Her tongue lolled romantically in the same dialect as she laid upon her side faintly and ran her fingers through the blades of grass soothingly. Her face then wrinkled in sorrow as tears spilled from her eyes and she buried her face slowly into the grass.

She talked to him for about an hour, and I found myself sitting upon the grass a couple feet away as I listened to her speak the tender yet unknown language.

Her tones and sobs were all I needed to know what she was telling him. To what she way saying and she said some of the same words over and over again.

_'I love you, my Darling…why did you have to go?'_

_'I miss you terribly, and my heart aches...'_

_'We never got to where we wanted to be.'_

_'We never got to settle down like we wanted.'_

_'We never got to love the children that we named...'_

_"We never had the chance to grow old together…"_

My eyes slightly widened as I recognized what she had said, and it was in English.

And as I sat there in that large cemetery, a tear trickled down my cheek as I felt Helga's hopes and desires melt into pool of despair. As I felt my envy disappear into nothing. And as I felt the breeze of the supernatural brush past my figure.

_"It was all I ever wanted…"_

**_XOXOX_**

We didn't talk for a good while after that.

She probably still felt some of the sting and treachery after I had brought her to Arnold's grave. But then again I think it released some of the burden upon her shoulders.

We had taken another step, hadn't we Helga? You had finally talked to him! Every time I thought about it, it sent a chill up my spine. In a good way. And maybe that was my step. A step off of the side walk where all the by-passers stood and into the mess of the car crash in the middle of the asphalt road.

It reminded me of a dream I had almost every night after Helga's encounter with Arnold's grave.

That fine twisted car, occupying two bodies. One hanging on by dear life, the other, already crossed into the world of eternity.

I was the only one who would run to the bashed window, frantically looking inside at the two bodies. The man's was completely clean as he laid there peacefully on the passenger's side. There was no blood, no cuts, no bruises on his entire body and he looked as if he was sleeping.

Then I looked at the woman's.

She moaned and groaned painfully as she laid in the driver's seat, but the steering wheel wasn't there, it didn't exist in the dream.

Her forehead revealed a radial spot with shattering skin and blood that copied upon the windshield and her eyelids had slashes upon them from glass.

Her ears were sliced, her pink lips had slits, her arms were broken, her legs were gouged, her clothes were torn, all by metal and glass. And a crimson liquid saturated her form.

She moaned again as her neck crookedly arched backwards into the bloody head rest and she coughed out the red fluid from her burning lungs. She whimpered and her face twisted in agony as sulfurous tears slowly ran down her cheeks and streamed within the blood.

I stared at her helplessly through the deformed door. Not moving an inch as my eyes took on a completely different pain of their own and the man in the passenger side moved.

My incapacitated watered eyes shifted to him as his emerald irises slowly were revealed and he sat up in his seat.

His eyes moved to the woman next to him and his brows turned upward. He then looked to me.

We stared at each other a good long while before he spoke and I wiped the blistering tears from my eyes.

_"Do something."_

I breathed after he said it. Firm and stern.

And his words echoed in my mind as I positioned my form through the broken window. The glass uncomfortably puncturing through my stomach as I reached my hand out to her.

She breathed weakly and slowly opened her bloodshot eyes as my fingers gently touched her blood inundated hair.

The golden mixed with the red as I soothingly brushed it away from her face and moved my other hand. Maneuvering it past the jutted metal and finally finding hers. It was broken and twisted but I held it in mine anyways, and she looked over at me. Her slit and dry lips writing something but her voice was lost.

_"Thank you…"_

I looked back to the man as he had spoken the same thing she was trying to say and he looked back over to her. Closing his eyes and soothingly pressing his lips against her forehead.

An emerald tear ran down his cheek as he opened his eyes and gazed down at her. His hand went partially transparent as he yearningly touched his fingers against her stained cheek and brushed them lightly.

_"I love you…You're safe now."_

**_XOXOX_**

I would smile at her when I saw her in the lunchroom. When she entered the elevator. When I passed her in the hall.

At first she slightly ignored it, but I think after a couple weeks she forgave me, and I found her sometimes smiling back too.

But the thing that boggled my mind was, even that didn't last for long, and I wondered why.

She wasn't smiling anymore, wasn't even ignoring me anymore. I'm sure she even took the stairs instead of the elevator at times, and it all made me wonder. Had I done something mistaken? Looked at her the wrong way? Said something incorrectly?

I sighed as I scratched my scalp and prepared to go back to my monitor when my desk phone rang.

I hesitantly answered it. Much like the occupants that visited my home, I rarely was called. "Hello?"

"Can you come up to my office, please? It's urgent."

The line died after that and a mixed feeling swept through my bones. A happiness that she was speaking to me again, and a fear. Something definitely wasn't right. Again.

I took the normal pathway up to her office and when I got there I cautiously opened the door and peaked my head in.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked.

"Come in and lock the door."

I tentatively did what I was told and the knob locked with a click.

I looked over to her as she stood nearby the large wall windows and stared out. Her golden hair was down. I liked it down.

I cleared my throat apprehensively and waited for her to talk.

We both stood there in the silence for a while before she spoke.

"Do you enjoy working here?" she asked as she continued to stare out of the window.

I wavered slightly. "I do. Very much so."

She finally turned her form around casually and walked over to her desk. She sat down.

"How much?"

I gulped to myself. This didn't sound good. Was this the consequence to letting Helga use me? Or was it holding her against her will in a cemetery? Both were very unusual circumstances, and I had no doubt that she wasn't fond of either one. Would that really lead her to letting me go at the office?

I then thought again and calmed myself down. My assumptions could be wrong and if this was the dilemma, Helga not being able to stand me in the office anymore…then I would do whatever she wished. I nodded again. "I enjoy it greatly. I look forward to coming into work."

She sighed nonchalantly as she crossed her fingers together and pondered before responding. She looked up at me rather uneasily.

"Well, there's really no easy way to say this."

My heart sank.

Her voice was dense. "So I'm just going to say it…I'm pregnant."

My heart stopped.

**_XOXOX_**

We both sat there in the waiting room of the OB/GYN. There were some little children running around while their pregnant mothers either chatted away or talked on the phone. Helga and I didn't say anything.

We just sat next to each other in the uncomfortable plastic chairs as I stared at the wall opposite from me and her eyes absentmindedly roamed around.

Dear Lord. Was this a dream? Probably not. Having intercourse with her definitely wasn't a dream, so I didn't think this was either.

I don't even think it was about safety anymore. We weren't stupid people. Helga was one of the most responsible people I knew, and I thought I was pretty conscientious.

It was about life. It was about a woman that was in tremendous pain and looking for a cure to it. Unfortunately, I didn't think there was an antidote. Just treatment and medicine. Sex so happened to be one of them.

I breathed in deeply as a little girl played with her brother by running around the lot of us.

A child.

And then a thought hit me.

Our child.

My face paled as I thought of what Helga must have been thinking.

There was no disbelief in my mind that she probably never wanted this to happen, especially with me. And I even remember a few times back when we were kids, when I would tell her that I liked her, she would tell me that she wouldn't ever like me even if I was the last human being on earth.

I had no idea if that still stood today.

Her face seemed emotionless as she sat there in that chair. Absentmindedly clicking her nails against the plastic armrest as the clock ticked in unison.

I knew what she was thinking. She was wishing that she could take it all back. Never rang my door bell and tried to suffocate my lungs. Never pressed her bare skin against mine. And never bit me while she breathed Arnold's name in my ear.

I slightly got goosebumps as I recalled the memory and a door from across the room opened.

A woman in a white lab coat looked at a clipboard and called out a name.

"Pataki?"

**_XOXOX_**

Helga uncomfortably laid upon the long seat that resided next to the monitor and OB/GYN equipment.

I had never been to one of these before. Jenelle and I never really thought about children. I had questioned the idea, but she wanted nothing to do with the little devils.

Helga breathed slowly throughout her nostrils as she stared blankly at the ceiling and we waited for the doctor to come in. Her hands agitatedly positioned on the seat.

I let my hand loose in case she wanted to hold it, but I doubted she would.

_"I'm sorry for all of this."_ I whispered over to her.

She just blinked and responded. "None of it is your fault. I was being stupid."

I shook my head. "Your never stupid, Helga."

She hesitated before she retorted. "You know, you don't even have to be involved with this. I take full responsibility for whatever happens to this child. It's not right to drag you along."

I didn't respond as I stood there for a moment and thought, a small smile finally appearing upon my lips. I gently took one of her hands into mine. "I've been involved ever since I opened my door." I nodded. "And I'm staying here."

She just looked up at me. Her cool, calm posture faded and she let out a bit of fear. She looked a little scared but I softly squeezed her hand.

The door opened and in walked our doctor. "Hey guys, I'm Dr. Royale. So…Mrs. Pataki, you said you aren't so sure about how far along you are now?" he asked as he sat down in a rolling chair and looked at a clip board.

Helga nodded and squeezed my hand right back.

He smiled as he rolled over to the equipment and flipped on the monitor. "Well let's just check, now shall we?"

Helga blinked unsteadily and gulped to herself.

I don't think it was about whether it was my child anymore, but just the child. There was a living person inside of her, and I'm sure the feeling was all new and freighting at the same time.

The doctor just smiled politely as he slipped on some gloves and instructed Helga.

"Now, Mrs. Pataki, if you wouldn't mind lifting your shirt just above your abdomen, we can see whose inside that belly of yours." He winked at her and her face just turned a fair shade of awkward white as she did what she was told.

The doc squirted some blue goo right above her navel as the monitor turned to a fuzzy black screen and he pressed the vertical camera gently into the goo.

I felt goosebumps upon her fingers as she squeezed my hand again to a point of where it hurt slightly, but I tried to keep my eyes upon the monitor. A couple little blobs came into play.

"Ah ha! Found ya!" the doctor exclaimed excitedly as he moved around the vertical stick.

My heart started to race as I saw the little blobs become distinctive upon the monitor.

"So it looks as if you're about…maybe…ten to twelve weeks so far." He squinted his eyes as he looked at the monitor and Helga and I looked at it questioningly.

The monitor didn't reflect what looked like a baby…at least not yet…these things were very perplexing to visualize and I didn't think he was positioning the camera correctly.

"I know it must be hard to see." He spoke as he took the mouse over by the keyboard under the monitor and selected a part.

Helga watched the screen vividly and he continued.

"See that little thing? Moving there? That's the heart."

I blinked inquiringly and she did as well as her grip bore stiff on mine but loosened some.

"And…" he selected another part. "There's the kidneys. If you can't see them, don't worry about it, they are pretty hard to pinpoint. Then there's the legs."

I looked at Helga as she continued to observe and I suddenly felt nauseous. I turned my head away from the monitor. I just couldn't watch anymore. I couldn't watch her face turn to disappointment as she witnessed the formings of my bastard child in her womb.

My own face turned cynical. How could this of happened? Why did Arnold have to die? Why did Helga have to suffer twice now? I'm sure she thought of the idea of abortion. That or adoption. Or maybe even dumping the kid onto me and moving out of the country.

Of course I would have loved my own child, and even more so, the offspring of Helga Pataki as well. But it all just seemed so abrupt. Our relationship was already delicate, and there was no doubt that it would crack under the weight of an unexpected child.

My mind was so jumbled I didn't even hear the doctor's next words, just Helga's response.

"Holy **_SHIT_**."

She squeezed my hand and tugged it some as acid swirled around in my stomach.

"Brian. Turn around and look at this." She spoke urgently.

I reluctantly did what I was told and looked over to the monitor again, expecting disappointment, but my eyes just blinked at what I saw. I blinked again.

The doctor tapped his chin questioningly as he looked at the monitor. "You know, this is very peculiar. It is usually a rarity that a child forms in the womb with an oblong shaped head such as this. Usually the parent has something similar but-"

"THAT'S **_MY_**FOOTBALL SHAPED HEAD!" Helga exclaimed as her neck jutted up and her eyes were wide with astonishment but joy.

My hand covered my mouth as I looked at the monitor with the little grey blobs. One of them, a football shape. _"Holy Shit."_ I spoke behind it as I stared in disbelief.

The doctor continued to look at the monitor as he selected the head of the baby and moved around the vertical camera to get another view from a different angle.

My heart just jolted with magnitude as I stared at the screen. The baby's head was the same from another angle.

Helga breathed in large consumptions but she smiled as her blue irises unbelievingly stared at the monitor. She moved her lips to herself, but I could read what she had said.

_We did it, Arnold…we finally did it…_

**_XOXOX_**

"What do you think of the name….Anna?" she asked tranquilly as we both looked up at the stars. But I knew she was dying from excitement on the inside.

I'm sure she would have still loved a child that was mine…but it was as if there was new hope that wasn't there before in her eyes as she blinked slowly.

I smiled lightly as we both laid upon the hood of my car near Hawk Mountain. It was nearly desolate as the trees and bushes surrounded us. The night was young, the sky was dark enough to see the stars, and we had left the OB/GYN building no more than two hours ago.

"What if it's a boy?" I questioned.

She grinned faintly to herself as her hands little by little moved to her abdomen. "I haven't thought of any boy names yet…"

"I like the name Arnold."

Her head turned to me and she raised her brow curiously.

I turned my head to her and smiled benevolently. "I think it's a boy."

She thought for a second but nodded and returned her gaze back up at the stars. "I think you might be right." She replied breathlessly.

I turned my attention back to them as well and we laid there as the crickets conversed while the birds went to sleep.

She inhaled deeply before she spoke again. Her voice was soft yet amused. "You know…I never thought it would happen like this…"

I thought for a moment and questioned her statement. "Like what?"

She just smiled to herself and shook her head annoyingly. "How this baby probably came to be."

The corner of my lip curled upwards and she collected her memories before starting.

Her lips pursed as small tears pooled from her eyes. She shook her head again and let out a single winded laugh. "It was my one year anniversary at running the company. Arnold wanted to go out and celebrate but I didn't want to. I just wanted to stay home and relax. He continued to persuade me, but I still said no." she let out a weaker laugh this time as the tears continued. "So he brought out a bottle of Merlot from the wine case in the garage, and we ended up getting drunk off our asses."

My smile widened as I listened to her story and she just continued to shake her head in small increments.

"I didn't think he or I planned to get so drunk." Her lower lip curled and the tears became stronger. Her eyes strained. "And I was so mad when he spilled it on our white rug I-" she didn't finish just shook her head again and her eyes sparkled within the water. Within the moon.

Her lips parted to continue, but they just shivered and I gently took her dampened hand in mine.

"We….we made love on that rug…and then the next day…_he died_." She finished with a fissure in her voice and eventually looked over at me.

I looked at her.

We both stared at each other under the stars, and as I gazed at her, I remembered my dream. I remembered Arnold's face. I remembered his words.

I lifted my arm up and quietly brushed the golden hair back away from her face with my fingers. My other palm still stayed within hers.

She blinked slowly at the soothing gesture and I continued until she broke it and moved closer to me. Wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing her forehead softly against my neck. Her eyes closed and her brows squished together distressingly as her lashes tried to dry her tears, and I eventually wrapped my arms around her the same.

The hood of the car was quite cold, but it didn't even matter as I felt a slight dampness soak within the skin of my neck, yet she remained silent.

It was minutes before either of us spoke.

_"You know what I miss most about him…?"_

My reply was intertwining my fingers between the long strands of her golden hair.

_"His smell…I can go blind…deaf…mute…but I'll still remember his smell…it was so vivid…it still lingered on his clothes even after he was gone…even in the house. It made me feel like he was still there with me…and when it faded…I went mad."_

I distinctively remembered that night. It was engraved within my mind and would forever stay. I would cherish it.

_"I'm sorry…"_

I shook my head as I continued to brush and comb her hair with my fingers. I didn't want to say anything. I didn't have an ability for words…I never did…and I just remained silent.

It was a while before she stopped crying and slowly looked up at me with those puffy blue eyes. I curiously looked down at her and she blinked slowly as she removed her arm from my waist and lifted it up.

She let out her finger and softly ran it down the bridge of my nose to the tip and soothingly back up. She gradually pulled off my glasses and folded them without removing her eyes from mine.

I blinked slowly as her cheek bones lit up a tad and her eyes glistened.

_"Hey, Brainy."_

I just smiled gently in return. _"Hey, back."_

Her eyes wavered down to my lips and back up at my own pale blues as a thought entered my head and I didn't want it to leave. And it felt as if Arnold's presence was with us right at this moment. Encouraging me in my dreams.

_"You know…I had an idea…"_

Her blue irises were enriched and she still had scraps of a puffy pink around them. Her brows lifted questioningly.

I ran my hand over her back soothingly and I started slowly. Like it was the first time I was talking to her. _"You know…I was thinking that maybe when you have the time and I have the time…I could read some poetry to…"_ the corner of my lips curled. _"Arnold…Junior….maybe even a few segments of your diary about a time when you two were together."_ My smile widened. _"I think he would like to hear about his wonderful father."_

She didn't respond instantly, but tears formed again around her dilating pupils and her lips quivered. And I smiled warmly as she wrapped her arms tighter around my torso and nuzzled her head into my cheek.

_"I would love that…"_ she whispered as her tears pooled around my ear and I held her close. My beast. My boss. My demon. My angel.

_"If anything…I just want to be a hand to help through this…" _my face softened_. "…a shoulder to cry on…" _my eyes weakened_. "…an arm to comfort…" _my dreams replayed in my mind. _"…a friend to laugh with…"_

She nodded into my cheek and I closed my eyes, lightly kissing her forehead.

_"I want to keep Arnold very much alive in your life…whether you and I have a relationship or not."_

I could feel her soft grateful smile against my cheek and we stayed that way until she and the baby fell quietly asleep in my arms. The crickets amiable chirps comprising their lullaby.

I again stared at stars in the black sky, but my eyes felt tired and satisfied.

I turned my lips to back to her forehead and tears soundlessly pooled from my eyes. Saying nothing but writing them onto her slumbering delicate mind.

_I love you._

And I knew Arnold was writing it too.


End file.
